![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
gloomyFamily- Over the last five years my whole family has been going through hell, meaning marriages are ending, cousins are drawing sides, and lots of hate towards each other. My family within my mother and sister and lucky not in that mess lol. I just wish things would go back to nomal. My aunt and uncle marriage maybe over, my aunt cheated on him and has not been seen at family events in six months. Eh, my grandmother has trying to keep her family together. Then with 2010 coming soon I am scared to see what happens to all of us then. But, out of that me and my mother realtionship is much better now that I am at school. But, we do miss each other, she calls everyday to check on me and seeing if I need anything. This weekend, she came to see and we had a good time like we always do and she left me crying when she let today, :(. My grandma has been a huge support system with my college stuff and I am so happy, that she is helping me out. My father has not talk to me in the last month, idk why but I just know it kind of hurts. Which this is nothing new to me with him anyway. But I just have to move on.
Friend's- Here on campus I have a group of friends who I mention before in my last blog post. Neeshelle, Becky , Nina, Amber , Rea, and lastly, Aaron. Well in the beginning on the week I had to be real with them about how I felt about them acting like third graders. Oh let cross out Nina lol she was on my side. But anywho, its always drama between (" Neeshelle, Becky, Amber and Rea") I forgot to take off Aaron. But either way its always something going on and its crazy. Like fucking four year old shit, so I told them that I am kind of taking a break from them. But every since I talk to them about that, they clam that down. But, I am still going to take a break from them so a while. I have two crushes on these women that go to my school. One of them I liked since the beginning and we talked about, she is loves girls more than guys. :( Bummer, lol but her girlfriend or ex:girlfriend treats her like shit and I can't understand why she still deals with her. Idk but I don't really want to get into that. But this other girl name Jordan and me and her have been talking for three weeks. I been a creeper lately to dig up dirt on her but so far she is clean. lol I am not really wanting a relationship but who knows whats going to happen when I get there.
School- College is going well, I am really trying to do my best and in which brings stress to the table. I been lazy lately, maybe because of that fall break that they gave us. But, either way I am getting A's and B's but my math class sorry to say but I am failing it. Reasons why is because her stupid grade book is off balance and I hate it . Like she gives five point homework and then gives a 100 point quiz and if you don't do good in it, It can lower your grade. I talk to her about it and she said that's college. I was about to snap but its whatever. I am going to get that grade up, no problem. I think she needs to fix it but she said its fine. I don't think I mention about me having a new roommate. Well I do and he is good. Much better than nick lol. He showers and clean and does what I say its like having a personal asst in my room. Today I met his parents and there really nice, they loved how clean I keep everything. So, I knew I they loved stuff like that but we haven't had any issues.
Other- Well besides everything I just mention I am doing fine. I been having lonely issues, like I thought about today and I have friends here on campus. But, I can't see them like I do at home to people who are my friend. Like when i think about it i am alone for the most part here at college. Which I know is not good, I really kind of don't like anyone here on this campus. But I will get over it, and i about to buy my plane ticket to see Raven in Boston for spring break. So I am just trying to get everything together for my next couple of events this year and next year. But i need to finish some homework and I am going to finish my list when i am not so busy.
~Josh
indifferent
productive
ecstatic
sleepy
This the face expression you make when you knock over something ? If it broke or spilled all over the floor. Whatever the case may had been. Thats how you look right ?
So as confused you are about how it fell . You grab a paper towel and wipe it up or sweep it. Thats if it broke. Then afterwards you throw it away. Then you Refill or Buy a new one to replace it. Then we Enjoy it again like it was never even gone ???
Only if are life's was like that ??? How would we live knowing that if something happen. How easy it would be to replace it. You can't replace things that mean so much to you. You can replace Love but you can't replace your First lover. You can replace Sex with Reading. But you can't replace the person you slept with. I can change the lover but i can never change the love. I mean i'm young. There are a lot of things i changed in my life for other people's Happiness. 
I know i been saying this for a long time. But for me to get where i'm at now. It toke Tears, Blood, and Heart ache. I don't know how many time i wish that i can just replace something in my life. But it doesn't happen likes that. Kept my tear's inside cuz i knew if i started i keep crying for the rest of life with this. I finally built the strength to walk away. But now and then i live with the Side Effects. These was the feelings i was going through :
I'm going to end this with these words... My heart is Broken and still damaged. No more Tears , No more Hate , I'm DONE ! My anger is killing me faster than i think. I'm done adding a new room to this Private Hell i'm living in ! I'm packing my things and leaving. Still hurting but its only for a Season. 
frustrated
Ok ??? Let me stop i been though alot ? I mean thanks to blogging i let out alot of stress ? Its been almost a year since i started ! But really i made BILLIONS of promises to myself ? I finally had it ? THIS LYING THING ??? (Let me define lying thing???) I keep tell myself i'm going to do something about something in my life ? But it never works out ??? I had enough of doing that ??? I just kind of gotten tired of it ??? 
I just hope this time i around i can do it ???
creative
okay
grateful
Lonely
cheerful
Sad and Broken Hearted ?
Happy
Think about are world !!!
